Two days ago I realized that something has changed. My anxiety connected with the practice of meditation has gone. After some time of pondering, receiving and taking care of this emotion it has passed away or rather it has been transformed into some kind of surety that everything is going well and I don’t have to worry about myself.
In fact, now I see that this time of struggle with my fears has brought many fruits. First of all I’ve become aware of them, so – thanks to this trial – I know myself better now. I understand that working with our own difficult emotions may have many variations. My way of dealing with anger has been totally different from my manner of coping with fear. I had to adapt to the dynamics proper to each of them, so I’ve understood the nature of these emotions in more profound way – by experiencing them mindfully and respectfully. And the third fruit of my battle is that I’ve come out of it stronger, less fearful and more ready to face new challenges. I guess, I’m more inclined to perceive them as adventures.
Whole this shamanic staff doesn’t seem so extraordinary to me anymore. I understand that my experience is not so unusual as I thought. It doesn’t mean that I don’t cherish it and that it has become less important or of less value to me. In fact, I think that it’s exactly the opposite.
I’ve found video of Gerry Starnes, where he speaks about these things in such a profound, but on the same time simple and – what is especially important for me – humble way. Here is his response to the question:
I believe that The Wild Boar was my guide on the path of facing fears. Now the time has come to receive The Wolf. More precisely – two of them. They arrived into my world on the 3th week of my MBSR course. Let it bring the fruit that it is meant to bring! I have become fearless enough to receive it.
Innerwoods 